Too much to happen in any time span, let alone the shortest month of the year.
I sat down to piece this together a week or so ago (time has lost all form?), and then like a sucker punch to the gut that crumples you inward & steals your breath, the crushing weight of both global and local current events squeezed out every lingering drop of creative inspiration I had.
Like Mari Andrew said, it feels silly to recount my tiny little days, comb through the moments that weave together my calendar month, when so many of my fellow humans are in danger, are suffering, are grieving, are mourning, are frightened, are threatened, are angry, are dying, are having their lives flipped upside down and irrevocably altered. And even those words seem empty, not enough, vapid.
I am washing my face before bed while the world appears to be crumbling.
So, in the midst of despair, I will cling to the gratitude for my silly little days. I will find the pockets of light in my tiny little house and I will go on walks and notice things.
Some February moments —
Location: Silverlake Erewhon
Overheard: Discussion about prophesies fulfilled
what exactly constitutes ‘cause and effect?’ what is random vs. pre-destined, ordained?
‘the orange cloud’ — “what if i told you to go into the forest tonight & you’ll see an orange cloud appear, if you do that & see the cloud, you’ll think that’s a prophecy fulfilled, right?”
A very close family friend who lives in the U.K. (my uncle, for all intents and purposes) sold an old Beatles album on Ebay — and when he looked at the address, it sounded familiar. Because the buyer happened to live in the EXACT same house in Oak Park, Chicago that my parents lived in in the early 90s !!
So, being the incredibly kind, friendly, and interested person he is, he gave the buyer his money back, sent the album for free, and my family proceeded to dig up old pictures and share them with the buyer, who then introduced himself to us and shared a photo of the house how it appears today.
And, as it turns out, the Beatles buyer is also the Oak Park house buyer — the same guy who bought the house from my parents in 1994 and raised his family there.
Somehow at the same time my heart is hurting, it can simultaneously swell.
Good job, Ellie.
This hole in my finger, which appeared & disappeared in the span of a couple weeks and completely mystified me.
Discovered the old abandoned zoo in Griffith Park! Eerie!
Jumbo lemons in someone’s yard 😍
This, from Haley Nahman’s newsletter, which was very well-timed:
A vibe
Another vibe
This text from my sister, lol
And the corresponding thread in the family group chat, lasting a couple days, about everyone’s favorite trees 🥺
And I’m going to leave it there, because you really can’t beat a WhatsApp thread from the extended McCallum family musing about our favorite trees.
Sending warmth and love and permission to rest,
xx mm